Choosing to Stay in The Dark

By Traci Hubbard

Proverbs 3:5-6

Matthew 4:1-11

Yesterday, I read a story about a man walking Central Park, New York. Suddenly, he sees a little girl being attacked by a Pitbull dog. He runs over and begins fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life.

A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says, 'You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers, 'Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl'.

The man says, 'But I am not a New Yorker!'

'Oh, then it will say in newspapers in the morning, "Brave American saves life of little girl",' the policeman answers.

'But I am not an American!' says the man.

'Oh, what are you then?'

'The man says: - 'I am a Saudi!'

The next day the headlines read, “Islamic extremist kills innocent dog.”

Every day many of us tune into the news or social media platforms for what we hope is truthful information. We want to be informed because we care, and we want to help. If we woke up this morning and read in The Globe and Mail that an Islamic extremist killed a Canadian dog, I know many of us would be outraged. Our hearts would go out to the dog and the little girl. And if the story was said to have taken place in Lake Country, well we would be signing petitions and taking our questions directly to our MLA. Was the man brainwashed by ISIS? Is he illegally in Canada? How many crimes has he committed? Are we safe?

Imagine that all of us here today go to the doorstep of our MLA with our newspapers in hand, learning that the person who saved a little girl from being killed by a dog was a Saudi acting out of his highest self on behalf of another human! What would we be thinking and how would our new thoughts and feelings lead us to respond? Would we be like the educated church leaders who were listening to Jesus in the shadows while he was completing his Sermon on the Mount?” What is this rubbish he is saying? It’s sacrilege, it’s blasphemy! Where is the Torah in his hypnotic ranting?” Would we be murmuring amongst ourselves, ‘Crucify him', along with the uninterested in fairness Pharisees and the depressed Sadducees? And would we get the job done only to learn that the Islamic man and Jesus were the real McCoy, two humans empty of ego and full of courageous love?

Right now, we are in a global dark place of unknowing, and I believe we are in this place because of shame. If we put shame in a cup. And then pour empathy into that cup, shame cannot survive. Shame is devoured when we are truly connected with ourselves and others. When we belong, shame dissipates. The leader of the free world, whether he knows this or not, and folks, I believe at one time, he did, perhaps in an earlier time in his life he felt the shame and loneliness of not receiving the care and connection he needed to thrive as a healthy human being. He is a carrier of deep shame because he does not have a healthy connection with himself, his spouse, his family, and his colleagues. Shame cannot nurture respect for self or others. I’m not sure if he has a true ride or die real friend.

Shame and fear are not able to listen. A person that is soaked in these realties is constantly talking negatively to themselves. Let’s say someone comes into my office and says, “Traci, you’re so messy.” My response would be, “My office is a mess right now, but I am not messy.” Shame’s self-talk is degrading. IE: I’m a loser, I’m an idiot. I’m unworthy of love. And if one has grown so dark in their soul because of their shame, the self-talk becomes a lie, ie: I’m the best thing that has ever happened to the world. Because that’s what shame does, it lies to us, and when we don’t own it, we lie to ourselves and others. Sharing our shame with a healthy capable safe person who can listen to us and say, “You know what, yeah, you’ve really, messed up. I’ve been there. I’m with you. Let’s do this uncovering what is true work together.

We witnessed this in 2016 – 2020 and we are witnessing it now…and it’s even bigger because it has grown into a monster in the dark underbelly of shame in the United States. The dual thinking of white is better than black, secular is better than spiritual, I’m better than that person, you’re bad and I’m good so I discriminate. I will not care about the stranger or the people on the margins. When shame and fear take root in the soul, it empowers a person, drives a person, to remain in it’s hold, knowingly, or unknowingly. The darkness of shame survives on its lusts. And that’s what we are seeing.

If we are going to journey through this darkness, we must do due diligence and discover the source of shame so we can address it. Underneath shame is the longing to matter, to belong, have a meaningful relationship, to have personal power around our choices. When a soul has given itself over to shame, knowingly or unknowingly, they carve absolute control, absolute power, and we know that absolute power corrupts absolutely. When this happens, we only listen to our own thoughts that are lying to us but no longer have the ability to discern what is true and what is false.

As we walk in the dark of unknowing right now, like Jesus, we are in a wilderness, being probed by the Spirit with questions that are asking what do you choose? Like Jesus, we need get to the source, check in on our thoughts, so we can understand the intention behind the questions. Our current global collective unknowing in the political, economical and culture of our country, the country south of us, and in our world is our wilderness. We have an opportunity and a responsibility to ourselves to do due diligence. To research the sources of information we are reading or receiving from the news we watch. We need to consider the source and ask questions to discern how to control our thoughts, feelings, and actions so we can respond correctly as we move through this darkness.

This is what doctors do. They ask us questions, they probe, “Say Ah”, right – the color of the tongue and its condition is an indicator of what is going on in the body. Doctors ask questions so they can identify the source, the truth of the problem, so they can prescribe what is needed for healing.

When one is rooted in shame, they do not go to a doctor because they become their own prescription and prescribe the same, actually force the same, onto everyone else. But if we dig deeper, what we discover is people rooted in shame, people who have given themselves over to greed and lusts, they protest what they do not have, which is security, safety, belonging, love, and a real meaningful life. Unhealed shame invades the heart and turns it into a sewage plant that we spew onto other people, and it is devastating because the ability to care has been smothered to death. The ability to be self-aware has been given over to control because to feel the pain of not being loved, and not being able to love ourselves and others, is scarier than the devastation we create.

Last Wednesday we had ashes marked on our foreheads and heard the words, “You are dust, and to dust you shall return.” Always a cheery thought. But let’s dig deeper. Let’s find the source…we are all Stardust, created and sustained by loving energy. Our beliefs are the womb of our thoughts, and our thoughts are the womb of energy and the lens through which we perceive ourselves, others, the Sacred, and our world. Whether our thoughts are true are not, they become our energy which becomes our feelings, which determines our actions. We need to dig deeper into the why – the source of our thoughts, because if do not, the results of our actions will be devastating if we are acting on a falsehood, a lie. It would be like drinking poison.

A long time ago, my ex-husband was very sick – chills, chest cough, aches. This went on for days, His asthma was taking over. He went to the doctor and received a prescription. He began taking the medicine as prescribed, but his symptoms dramatically worsened. After three days on the Rx, I took the prescription bottle to the pharmacist and shared what was happening. The pharmacist read the label, then opened the bottle, to discover that the pills he was taking did not match the label. My ex had been taking heart medication. The person filling the prescriptions had done due diligence and had put the wrong labels on two bottles. When we choose to stay in the dark, our fear grows, because we are trusting the labels instead of checking what’s inside, the source. When it comes to the news, the truth for many of us, is we don’t want to know the source – it’s just too dark.

Friends, we are called to be like Christ, to have our moving and our being in ourselves, our homes, and in our world to reflect the ways of Christ. When a friend comes to us, trusting us with a shame story, our calling is not to say, “Boy, been there, done that, in fact, I can one up your shame, listen to this!” Or “You’ve really disappointed me; how could you do that?” Or “Bless your heart.” Our role is to come alongside, ask questions, discover the why, and then walk with them, encouraging them, as they do their healing work. We need to say, “We’ll get through this, you are not alone.”

To move out of shame, we need courage, and to have courage, we must be vulnerable, and we cannot be vulnerable without authentic meaningful connection. Jesus had just experienced a deep and meaningful connection with John the Baptist and with the creator of his soul, and he trusted his connection, belonging, and love - his identity in the Sacred – and this is the lens through which he sifted the questions of the dark.

People who choose to stay in the dark, believe the dark is true, it’s what’s best for themselves, and others, and they insist, decree, demand, that others believe, think, and feel like they do. They have swallowed whole a dark lie about who they are, creating a collective energy of darkness so they don’t feel alone, redefining love, belonging and meaning as power. Dualistic in their minds, constantly changing their minds, because nothing can satisfy the hungry black hole of darkness, of truly being alone.

We are in a collective darkness, and choosing to stay in the dark is choosing ignorance over knowledge, and this choice of prescription poisons our energy and silences our voices. Every historical revolution of love, every movement that changed the world began with one person digging deeper to discover the source of the pain and then speak their truth in love, even while their voice was shaking.

Folks, when the clouds come at night, the stars are still there. God is with us in our individual, family, and global dark times. The light is still sparkling inside of us, even when we cannot feel it, or see it. I will end with this:

Imagine you are holding a cup in your hand…

I want you to place your shame or fear or both into the cup

Look at it….

Feel it…

Now imagine I have come over to you and poured empathy into your cup…

Watch what happens…

The prescription of empathy and love begins taking over your shame and your fear…

Transforming them into courage, discernment…

You ask me questions, and I speak hope, truth, possibilities, and belonging into your cup…

And then you ask questions and listen – you dig deeper and discover what is true, what you can do, and that your voices matters…

You belong to a hurting collective, where some are daring to do due diligence so they can move through the darkness, sure in their identity, sure they are loved, and sure that together, we can make a difference and bring light to the darkness. So, pick a day to watch the news. I am picking Thursday. I have checked out the reliable news sources, and on Thursday evening, I will read and listen, discern and pray. I will not permeate my energy with dark chaotic news – with the shame of a man, and the shame of a collective underbelly. I commit to being responsible for doing due diligence, for how my energy effects my life and the lives of others, and I will speak my mind, even while my voice shakes, and I will do this, because I am loved, and because I love. I am hoping you will join me, and I promise, we will walk through this darkness together…turning on a light for others to follow.

May it be so, amen.